Turkey Day

I know everyone is dying to know how Thanksgiving went with The Band and the Mother-n-law being in the same room. Okay. Maybe not dying to know. How about mildly curious? OR maybe, you're just trying to waste a few minutes between commercials...

I am happy, though not proud, to say that it went well. It helped that we had other people to distract her from any 'strange' things I may have been doing. Amber, Hayden, Jenn, Mace, Don, Dan, Grace and Zane all did their part to help me keep my secret. Even the deep fryer pitched in and created a two hour delay in our meal. So, by the time we ate, I think she was too starved to notice what I was eating, or not eating.

Grace successfully dodged a bullet for me, when asked about the game her Uncle Fisherhead and I went to last week. The 'Game' where she cheered and we went to 'watch' her. The game where I wasn't having surgery...
She just smiled and nodded at all the right moments while her mother tried desperately to let her know to play along. Yes. You read right. I have sunk to an all time low. I am now begging preteens to help me con Mrs. Ruby.

I know. I'm going to H. E. Double Hockey Sticks!

But, none of this could prevent the final moment from coming. Eventually, we all had to sit down around the table and eat. Knowing this, I had a plan. I, once again, enlisted the aid of the handy, dandy preteen. Giving her an arm load of decorations, I gave her free rein to create a towering centerpiece. I, then, planned to sit on the opposite side of Mrs. Ruby. The operative word, Thursday, was planned.

We planned to eat between 1 and 2. Instead, we ate at 4. We planned to use a rack to lower the turkey into the deep fryer. Instead, Fisherhead and Mace rigged a contraption with a stainless steel chain. I planned to sit across the table from Mrs. Ruby, hidden by the towering centerpiece. Unfortunately, even the best laid plans can be foiled. So, due to a friend sitting in my planned seat, I ended up sitting caddy-corner to her, hidden by, well, nothing.

So, at the last minute, I came up with another plan. I decided, if kids could move food around their plate to look like they ate their spinach, I could do it too. So, I put a small amount of turkey, mac-n-cheese, dressing, and green beans next to a decent serving of mashed potatoes and gravy. I sat down and started eating mashed potatoes. (I have to stop and say that those taters were not everyday potatoes. They were manna from heaven. They had texture. They had carbs. They had FLAVOR!) For every bite of taters, I swirled green beans around my plate. I cut up the turkey. I squished the dressing. I separated the noodles into different areas of my plate. I, literally, played with my food.

I don't think she noticed a thing! But, I think she is suspicious. She keeps asking me how I feel. And saying that I look like my back hurts. Ugh.

It sure would have been easier to pull this off, if she would have gone on her trip. James Bond, I am not. Nor do I want to be.