No Turning Back

Today is the day. After two weeks of being kinda vague, I have decided to scream to the world, or to the couple of people that read these ramblings, what I am doing about my obesity. Obesity. What an ugly word! Makes me think of lumpy, dirty people on oxygen, using a scooter and surrounded by chips, brownies, burgers, fries, and all kinds of other goo. Well, while I like all that stuff, I don't tend to surround myself with them. However, despite my internal feelings about the word. I am, without a doubt obese. There. I said it. Hold on a second while I go puke.

But starting two weeks ago, I started a journey to permanent weight loss. I started the Atkins induction phase. This phase lets you have only 20 carbs a day. Now, if you think that's not so bad, try for just for one meal to look at the packaging of each thing you eat or ingredient in your meal. It is amazing how many carbs we consume. Consequently, we've been left with meat and cheese as 90% of our diet. (I say 'we' because Fisherhead has joined me in this journey.)

Two weeks ago, I never thought I would be saying, "It's not so bad." Last night, I ate a green salad with NO dressing. And I didn't choke! I just sprinkled some salt and pepper on it and munched down. It was pretty tasty. Crazy, huh? However, I am really looking forward to eating some fruit and (hold on to your britches) vegetables. I actually had a couple of bites of squash and to my amazement -- It was good!

Now, all this carnivorous free-for-all is not forever. It is just to get my liver shrunk to a nice size. You see, I am having surgery today. Actually, I am in the pre-op room now. I look soooo cute! But, you don't want to know about the latest fashion in hospital gowns, hair nets, and booties. Or, that I have been forced to go commando. You want to know why I am here.

I am getting a gastric lapband. I know that this isn't for everyone. I wrestled with it for a long time. I have prayed, cried to myself, and done the research. During a talk with God, I remembered that my mother died at a very early age (57) from a heart attack. She was a normal body size and avid exerciser. My Grandpa Caddell, my Mom's dad, died from several heart complications. I think he might have been 70. He was pretty healthy, weight wise. Then, there is me. I am overweight and already have high blood pressure. Something has to be done. I will not leave my family early because I can't control my weight.

I have tried several times to lose weight and failed them all. I am not getting any younger. I don't have tons of time to keep trying and failing. But even more importantly, I don't have a lot of failures left in me. I just don't know if I can take public failure again in this area. In so many ways, it seems like I have failed so often in 'public view.' It's terribly embarrassing. Which is why I had decided to keep this a secret.

But, I feel like it is okay to share this, now. I was embarrassed to admit that I am not strong enough to do this alone. But, I remind myself that this is just a tool. And frankly, my health is more important than a little embarrassment. Who knows? I might just chronicle my journey, somewhat. Nothing like killing embarrassment with in-your-face brashness.

EEKS!

You know you were curious!