"....And then, I just wanted to hide under the table."

I bet you can't guess that I embarrassed myself today.

Really, Really EMBARRASSED Myself!!

And Poor Kyna.....

Poor, poor Kyna.....

Well, I kinda dragged her down with me.

I just hope that she doesn't hold it against me. She's a nice person. Surely, she won't stop me from attending the wedding or keep me from seeing my future grandchildren? Will she? Well, I guess I won't be able to blame her if she does. I can just hear future discussions between Kyna and Adam. "Don't forget. I went with your mother to the Family Readiness Meeting, and she completely lost it in front of everyone. You owe me buster! You owe me BIG!" When Adam calls to complain, I will just have to say, "Sorry. But, You do owe her big - Very, Very Big!"

You see, Kyna was nice enough to join me, even though she had a wedding today, for the 17th Battalion's Family Readiness Group Potluck Get Together For Family and Friends.

(I couldn't make up that title if I tried.)

I was nervous about going and meeting a bunch of people, most of which had already been through this at least once. So, I was very thankful that Kyna could come with me. (Especially since, now, she might not want to be seen with me for quite a while.)

The meeting was held at Camp Mabry. Even though I have lived in this area forever, I have never even tried to get into Camp Mabry. I knew it was off of Mopac, but that was the extent of my knowledge. So, finding the entrance was a bit nerve racking for someone with a unnatural fear of getting lost.

Have you noticed that I am tallying up excuses for my unfortunate lapse into insanity?

1. Fear of meeting new people.

2. Fear of getting lost.

Once the men at the gate finished rattling me further by arguing about where we were supposed to go, we drove onto base. Today was the second time I have been on a military base. The first time was for Adam's graduation from boot camp. During that time I was more curious than anxious. Even though there was this cold, hard edge that lay beneath the surface of the proceedings, there was enough lightness to counterbalance it. I was able to be proud without being terrified. When fear started inching its way through my cerebrum, I was able to distract myself with all the fanfare.

Today was different. As I drove through, I couldn't ignore the tank on the corner or these big tent thingies with the armored trucks next to it. (Sorry about the quality of this picture. I took it with my phone.) I couldn't ignore how sterile and cold everything was. But, I said to myself, "You better just pull up those big girl panties and do this thing. It is just a bunch of government buildings. You know the government doesn't believe in warm and fuzzy."

So, that's what I did. I parked, gathered my super-duper, spinach, devilled eggs, Kyna grabbed her extra, chocolaty brownies, and we went inside.

Guess what? We were the first 'family' there. Everyone else was, in some form or fashion, part of the military. Thankfully, it took us a moment or two to realize this. Otherwise, I might have just bolted out the door; leaving those deviled eggs to fend for themselves.

As we waited for everyone else to show up, Kyna and I soon realized that we were not equipped to talk "Military." When asked who our soldier was, we both said, "Adam." Which got us nothing but blank stares. So, I said, "Adam Lichtenstein....." Blank stare. Getting nervous, "Lichtenstein....." A shake of the head is the only response. Oh no! Something is wrong. So I meekly mumble, "Uhm..Adam Lichtenstein..." More blank stares came our way. Then so we could help her clarify who we were talking about, she asked us what unit our soldier is in. Kyna and I just looked at each other. I whispered, "I don't really know... Do you?" Kyna shook her head. I don't know about Kyna, but I felt like I was failing some important test. Had we missed a class somewhere? Where do you learn this stuff?

(I listen to Adam, really I do. But this is mostly what I hear, "They gave me a M?273545? Rifle today. Eeeek. OOOOHHAAD. Gun. bling blong bling....knife that can cut through helicopter glass..... doo dee doo dee.... rolled a Humvee today." I have no idea what half the stuff he is saying means. Frankly, I think they should give people an English-Army dictionary. )

The poor woman finally asked another soldier if they had heard of an 'Adam.' Thankfully, the guy knew Adam. We were off the hot seat. Once my brain started working again, I remembered that Adam had given me this guys name before he left. This was the guy to call if there were any problems. And here he was being useful already! I might just survive this thing.

Then, it happened.

Time for introductions.

Why, oh why do people think it is a good idea to go around in a circle and introduce yourselves? I can never remember any one's name. I still have to ask later and hardly anyone is comfortable doing it. (Dumb, stupid, introductions!) I probably would have been just fine, if I had been the third person to talk, instead of the third from last. It was listening to all those other women hold back tears that got me. I think I might have even been OK, if all the women there would have been wives of soldiers. But, it wasn't meant to be. I had to wipe away tears when one mom shared that, even though her husband was deployed in the 90's, having her son deployed was much, much harder.

Before I knew it, it was my time to introduce myself. I should have just pointed to Kyna and said, "I'm with her." It would have been less embarrassing - for both of us.

I looked at all the faces and tried to say, " Hi, I'm Tammie Fisher. My son is Specialist Adam Lichtenstein. This is our first deployment."

What I really said was, "Hi, Imba Tomby Fishel. Myyy sonn ish BOO HOO BOO HOO, Blubber, blubber-steein!" Then, I don't really know what I kept trying to say. I know I was trying to say something else. All I remember is that people were patting my back and running for tissue. I'm surprised Kyna didn't move down a seat or two, so she could distance herself from the lunatic that "happened" to sit beside her. Geez! There is no crying in the Army! I just know that everyone there was thinking, I'm going to be the loose cannon in this group. They're never going to know when Tammie is going to blow! They are probably drawing straws on who is going to have to call me with the news every month. When I show up next month, I will probably have my own box of Kleenex at my table.

Know what is the worst part? They might be right!