I have been walking around for days now with little bitty pieces of my mind scattered who knows where. I think they blew out of my head as Hayden was born. I must have left them in that labor room, because I just can't seem to get past that event. I don't know how long it will take me to get back to normal. Whatever that is!
Let me tell you, watching your daughter give birth is mind blowing. I thought I was prepared. After all, I have been in those stirrups two times myself. I knew she was pregnant. (It was kinda hard to miss.) I knew that the whole goal of the thing was to eject a baby from the womb. I knew that I would be a *Ahem* Grandma by the end of the day. However, I must not have owned any of that.
I think I must be one of those helicopter moms. You know the ones. You have probably known one or two of them. They "hover" around their kids, refusing to acknowledge that they are grown or capable of doing things independently. I realized this Friday that I have been refusing to acknowledge in a tiny, itsy bitsy part of me- deep down in my heart- that my little girl is going to be a mother. OK. Stupid, I know. I must have been living in a some sort of denial. I think I must have been hanging onto one little piece of thread. The last thing left from those apron strings I had tied around her so tight as an infant. That last thread, despite it's small size set off a huge explosion in my mind and heart. OUCH! and WOW! So, I've been waffling from, "Oh, poor me. My baby is all grown up" to, "Wow! My baby is all grown up!" I know. Stupid again.
I am so proud of her. Yet, I don't know where all the time has gone. I hope she is wiser than I and seizes each day. I hope she sees them as the blessing they are. I hope she figures out to make her apron strings out of steel, or platinum, or cast iron!
I've got to go. I'm pretty sure that if I look hard enough, I'll find another thread here someplace.....
2 comments:
That's very hard. I know you love her so much. I hate seeing them grow up, too. Today I was noticing how long Elizabeth's calves are. I was astounded. She's being baptized on Sunday at 12:30; I hope ya'll can make it.
YOu're so amazing tammie at putting your thoughts into words. I can't imagine what that would be like to see your child have a child. I can't grasp that mine is starting kindergarten next year, so i can't imagine your thoughts! But I have to say, you did good, friend. Real good. Amber's a top notch kind of gal and she'll be an excellent momma cause she had an excellent momma. And now you have a new baby to hug on. That's gotta soften the blow a little, huh? :)
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