This one is for Tania. Since she has explicitly asked for more blogging, I am going to delve into this. I wasn't going to say anything more about it, after I posted a comment on Facebook. However, it is still bugging me. So, this being the place where I spill my guts as a form of public therapy, here it goes.
Last Sunday, Mrs. Ruby and I went shopping together. (Be honest here. How many of you knew from the first paragraph that this would be a Mrs. Ruby story?) I was needing to finish Christmas shopping before I locked myself in my home for a week. I thought she needed to do some Christmas shopping, too. While we were driving to the store, she showed me one of the two new purses she bought herself for Christmas. She, also, mentioned some clothes and other things that she has bought herself for Christmas. I thought, and told her so, that that was great. Sometimes, I wish I could buy myself things for Christmas - like that pretty ring I saw at Bealls.
As we were finishing up, I began to tell her our plans for Christmas gifts. This is the first year, ever, that Jess and I are spending more money on our gifts to each other than we have spent on the kids. We just decided that the kids are all old enough that they don't need (and probably don't expect) big gifts from us. So, we are being selfish this year and splurging on ourselves. OK. OK. I know I won't be winning any Mother of the Year awards. But, you know what? I really am not too worried about it. It is time.
She said that she thought that was a great idea. And we went on shopping. Then she dropped a little bomb. At least, that is what it felt like. And I am conflicted about this. Cause I know it isn't a big deal. And I would have volunteered for it, but it just seems a bit.... odd. Rude? Strange? Considering that she bought herself so much for Christmas, it seems ironic. Tell me what you think. I really need help with this.
Mrs. Ruby tells me that instead of buying everyone presents, she is going to donate money to a food bank or something. (She wasn't sure where, at the time.) She went on to say that we all had so much, that we really didn't need anything. And that she thought we should be happy to know that someone was getting to eat because of us.
OK. Now I know I am going to sound like Scrooge. But, Bah Humbug! And not for the donation. What upsets me is this: I am 99% sure, I am the only person she has told. I have already bought her gifts. I know that her grand kids will buy her gifts. And, Frankly, I am a little peeved that I am being forced to accept her donation as my present. Not only that, but if she uses our names, we will start to receive ads, emails and other forms of requests for more donations.
I guess I should explain that a bit better. I think it was last year that Julie and Don asked people to donate to a certain charity instead of giving them gifts. J&D, then, asked that if anyone wanted to donate what would have been their gift to the same charity, they (J&D) would be glad to do that. While, it was different, I didn't have any problem with it and was glad to do both. What is the difference? Well, first off, they let everyone know early. Second, they let EVERYONE know. Third, they,themselves, donated first and asked that their gifts be donations. They didn't force anyone to receive a donation as their gift. They didn't give donations as gifts and expect gifts under the tree for themselves. Fourth, I know that they didn't buy themselves gifts and then only donate for others. I find that she says we all have too much, but she is buying herself gifts, the biggest thorn in this idea. Is any of this making sense? Or, am I incredibly selfish here? Be honest. I can take it.
I had a brief thought to return her gifts and donate the money to the Humane Society. And frankly, I am still tempted. I am feeling a bit evil about it. I know I wouldn't be doing it for the right reason. I would be doing it to ensure that she will know how the kids are going to feel when they realize that they are receiving donations for Christmas - as she opens their gifts to her. Jess, says we can't stoop to her level. But, I soooo want to stoop! Yep, even though I know it is wrong. Stooping seems like it would feel really, really good.
So, please. I need advice, prayer, and opinions on this. It is OK, if I am being petty or childish. I will put on my big girl panties and get an attitude change, either way. I need one bad. I just want to know if my thinking is wrong, or if this is one of those Mrs. Ruby idiosyncrasy's that I have to grin and bear.
1 comment:
Oh, boy--she pulled a whooper this time. I tend to agree with you. I think I would return her gift and give a donation to one of the places she mentioned and just be really upbeat and positive that you were pleasing her by doing this. Or,else, you need to confront her and tell her she waited too long to make this decision and others have already bought her gifts and you think it is unfair to spring this on them so late.
I totally agree with you that the way she should have done it was early on to say that SHE did not want gifts this year but instead wished people to donate to a charity. And then you would have a choice as to whether to ask for your gift to be done in the same way or kept quiet and in that way let her know this was not your desire.
So that is my two cents. I think she just does not realize or think through what she says and the effect it has on others.
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