Cabin Fever

At least I hope that is what happened to me today. I woke up in a foul mood. I mean a slamming doors, yelling at the dogs, face turning purple, scaring the husband and grown son, FOUL Mood!

I was so bad, that for the first time since I got home, I put on something other than pj's. (I kinda figured that if I was going to act so badly, I should at least dress nicely. - Don't knock the rational behind that one. I'm still a little testy and am unable to control myself.)

Jess took his life, and those of our dogs, into his hands and offered to go for a walk at the park - with me. It was great just to be out. I found myself looking at stupid things like the price of gas (to see if the prices had changed) and the stores I always drive by (to see if they were still there.) It was like rediscovering life off this big old hill.

I was able to walk the 1/2 mile trail. Not much to you runners, but a lot for me, right now. I didn't hurt afterward, but had that tale tale feeling that if I did more, I would pay for it later.

We got home and things were good - for a little while. Then, whammo! The nasty's hit again. I'm a menace. I thought of hiding Jesse's phone for fear that he was going to call the men in the little white coats.

I don't know if it is worse today because Jess is here and he represents freedom. OR, if my mental capacity for this hill has just reached it's limits. I don't know or really care.

All I know is I keep seeing this picture in mind: I'm in a huge Eskimo type parka. I'm pacing, back and forth - back and forth, in a small wooden cabin. My eyes are huge and glassed over. My hair, that can be seen, is wild and woolly. I'm muttering to myself, "Five more days til the thaw, then I can go to town. Wonder if I can buy myself a coke. A coke would be good. I could drive the car. Yeah, the car. It could take me lots of places like Hobby Lobby, HEB, and Walmart. I could grocery shop. Yeah that would be great. A coke sure sounds good.....What Did You Say?! You're out of socks?! You've got to be kidding me! Socks! Why does everyone need socks?! Haven't you heard of Flip Flops?! My gosh! Don't you realize it's just five more days til I can get out of here? Yeah. Five more days. Then, I can see other people. I can talk to other adults. I can buy a cherry coke zero. Now, that is something to look forward to. I can drive my car. Do you know how long it has been since I have driven a car? Long time. Yep, long, long time. I know! I could buy myself a coke and go grocery shopping - at the same time! Yeah. Yeah. That's the ticket........"