Rude Awakening

I was tired last night. Poor Jess was trying to watch TV while I was snoring in his ear. I never said I was easy to live with. He, eventually, gave up trying to hear and turned off the TV, the lights and went to sleep, too.
Our peaceful slumber lasted until 4 am. That's when something woke me up. Have you ever had something just barely wake you up? You wake up enough to react to it, but don't know why you are reacting? That's just what happened to me.
I woke up in the middle of brushing off my bare shoulder. I didn't just brush off my shoulder. Somehow, I was in the middle of a good "Get off me!" kind of brushing. I was 'aware' enough to realize that as I brushed off my shoulder something was there. It felt like a bit of prickly grass. I don't know why my brain went immediately to SCORPION, but it did.
I have to admit, it took me about 3 seconds to put this all together and turn on the light. The light, of course, woke up poor Jess. He does not wake up with all faculties running. He, when rudely wakened, wakes up with a, "Huh... Whaaat?" I have learned over the years there is only one way to communicate with Jess during the middle of the night. You have to speak slowly, loudly and use physical cues if at all possible. So, that he wouldn't roll onto of the scorpion, I said, "I...think a.....SCORPION (this is said louder to wake his primitive fight of flight responses).... was on me...... I don't.... want it.... to BITE YOU" All this time, I am pushing on his side to keep him from rolling over on the evil, little monster.
This did the trick. Jesse hops out of bed, takes a quick 2 second look at the quilt. He, then, heads straight to the bathroom. Apparently, he is either comfortable with my scorpion hunting skills or could not see clearly until his bladder was empty. (The human male continues to astound me in it's physical needs and how they are intertwined.)
When he returns, he helps me search the quilt, pillows, and sheets. No scorpion. We look a second time. Still, no scorpion. So, Jess does what any guy would do. He goes back to sleep. I, on the other hand, do what half of the female population would do. I keep the light on and read. Sure that the nasty rascal is going to show up, I keep one eye on my book and the other on the bed. (What would the other half of females do? They would be smart and leave the bed - and the scorpion- to their husbands.)
After about 20 minutes, I find myself starting to get drowsy. I remind myself of the scorpion I am sure is sharing a bed with us and force my eyes to remain open.
Then it happens...... Out of the corner of my eye, I see it. I don't hesitate to react. I am the defender of the bed! I will not share my peaceful oasis with this thing! So, I take the only weapon I have handy, my book, and slam it down on it's mean, cold blooded heart. I couldn't help it that the nasty thing was on Jesse's butt when I saw it. Frankly, it didn't even register until Jess hollered out loud. I understand that he wasn't happy about being shocked awake by a book hitting his tush, but you'd think he would be grateful that I got it before it got him. I'll just have to find out how much he appreciated it when he wakes up later.