Sorry. I have tried to write for the last couple of weeks. But every time I did, I would see the last entry and my stomach would roll over. Then all my thoughts would disappear. I could almost see it go "poof" and all the dust floating to the ground.
However, I am not going to let this deployment rob me of the joys in my life or the things that sustain me during the hard times. Fortunately for me, unfortunately for you, this is both a joy and a therapy tool. If I were an evil villain, I could use this to rot your brains and turn you into drooling zombies. (I actually wonder if some of my posts do that to people.) However, I digress.
I kinda want to let anyone, that may be reading this, know that I may be posting some stuff about my childhood. A lot of it won't be fun, happy memories. Frankly, it will probably be more on the 'Really?! Are you serious?!" side. You see, I am trying to deal with some stuff that I have been holding inside. Every once in a while, I'll bring some of it up. But overall, I keep my feelings about my childhood to myself. I sincerely hope that by not bottling this up, I will be able to remember and cherish the good parts of growing up. (Like my earlier posts about my Grandpa.)
I may just write it and never post. However, I wanted everyone to have fair chance to decide whether to read it or not, should I decide to post them. It won't hurt my feelings if you don't want to go down this bumpy road. Frankly, I am really torn. Who wants to hear that some one's Mom was nuts, mean, and volatile? And I definitely do not want sympathy. I just need to think this stuff through. I, also, need to let this stuff go. I am not doing myself any good by holding this deep inside and letting it have a home in my heart. This has had a hold on my life long enough.
So, I'll think about it some more and make a decision.
Do you know anyone else that can turn a paragraph worth of information into a whole page of ramblings?! No? Well, maybe that is why you are reading this. You are extremely bored, or have a running bet on just how long it will take me to say 'Goodbye!'
2 comments:
Tammie,
I think you should write about it. I think it will be very theraputic. Plus, I have found that once I talk about whatever it is that I have vowed never to talk about, it loses its power over me. Suddenly I are not scared of telling anyone or what they will think, etc. That's my two cents, but I will pray for you to have wisdom from the Lord and most of all healing in the deep places of your heart. Thank you for sharing.
I agree with Tania. Get it out. You write so beautifully and express yourself and your thoughts so very well that it has to be a healing thing for you just to let it all flow out of you. So do it. We are all here for you and we love you and just perhaps God gave you this gift of writing to help others through helping yourself.
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