Maybe, I should start with what is whirling around in my mind. I'm going to try to keep it short and not create a little therapy session for myself like I usually do.
- I am getting a promotion. Yes. It is true. It is official. It is really happening. However, unlike the Lifetime Movies where the heroine gets a new office and new clothes the very next day, it has not officially happened. Nope. No new office. No snazzy new clothes. But, I am doing managerial stuff ALOT. However, since they don't have the budget for JJ's new position, she can not move up 'officially' - Even though she is doing things for her new position ALOT. Consequently, we are both in limbo. We never know what is going to happen from one day to the next. It is a bit stressful.
- I have signed up for a 65 mile bike ride in October. I am getting home much later from work and haven't been able to ride my bike. I am getting a tad stressed out about this, but I know it will work out somehow. Right?
- I have recently found out that I have a huge dental procedure that HAS to be done. It is going to cost boo coos of money. It just makes me sick to think about it. It puts me on the verge of tears a couple of times a day. I just hate this feeling.
- It has been a year since Papa died. It has been really hard on Jess. I wish I could help him more with everything he is feeling. I feel really inadequate. I didn't have this same mourning when my parents passed away. I think being separated for so long, created it's own kind of mourning. So when they died, it was almost a relief after a while. I know that sounds cold, but I'm trying to be honest. I just wish I was better at this for Jess.
- I have been wearing blinders when I walk through my house. I am overwhelmed with all that needs to be done to make this our home. We have lived here three years. I think it is time. I took the blinders off today, hoping that inspiration would strike. Uhm.... I'm still waiting.
- Finally, I am having a huge issue with my weight. I know that the flub has got to go. I don't like it. But I can't seem to get a fire lit under my super sized butt to do something about it. And honestly, it isn't a priority. I almost didn't even mention it. Why? Because I forgot for moment and I am embarrassed to bring it up AGAIN! So there.
Well, that is just about it. Pretty petty and boring, I know. But I can't seem to get past this right now. I am stuck in the middle of this huge vat of peanut butter and can't seem to get out of it. I know there is probably a lesson to learn here and I'm not getting out of here until I learn it. But frankly, this stinks. Even peanut butter can be over whelming after a while.
I'm stopping the whining for now. Promise.
4 comments:
I totally understand the stuck in peanut butter mode. But I don't care what you write or how much you whine, I just like reading your blogs. So I am so glad there was a post when I checked. Thank you.
So here is my 2 cents worth of thoughts on what you wrote. First, I hate limbo--and that is what you are in at work and I think it affects everything else in your life. I think that your world will change once the limbo is over and you are officially living in and working in your promotion and not dangling in between two positions and overworked. I think when that happens the peanut butter will turn to oil and you will step lightly out if it feeling as if you have already shed those pounds. Then the inspiration to tackle the house and the weight loss, etc. won't be as bad.
Just remember---this to shall pass.
And keep posting. I miss your humor, your real-ness, being part of your everyday life and thoughts. I can take whining and frustrating blogs. It makes me feel normal. I love you lots.
I feel ya! I'm so sorry you're stuck in the Peanut Butter! Limbo stinks! I hope very very very soon it all comes to a very calming resolution because I'm willing to be that will help everything else.
And, for what it's worth, I squealed with delight when I saw your new post! I miss your pics! :)
I don't think you are whining at all! Just being honest with where you are. If not, all my posts are whining! Congrats on the promotion. I hope it all works out soon, including the budget part of it. It would be nice to have the heftier paycheck that comes with the extra responsibility. Or maybe they are giving you the heftier paycheck but not JJ. I don't know. That would be okay for you, too. Either way it seems a lot needs to be worked out.
I need to come by and pick up the baby stuff. I have your ice chest, too! I can't believe we never got it back to you!
Things will look up. I think you are just in the dulldrums of work and the fall season. May God give you fresh inspiration for your home, your job, Jesse, and even your teeth!
I'm proud of you for writin' all this down. Gettin' it out of your head and on to paper helps tons with sorting it out... and lookin' at the truth of it all. Sometimes the feelings just need to be acknowledged... and that simple act can make it easier to wade through.
The stuff with Jess will get better. He needs you to be just who you are and not another version of himself. He'll gain a lot from your strength, or in this case the calm that comes with inexperience. You don't have to feel everything he's feelin' the exact same way he's feelin' it to be a comfort to him. He may not see it that way yet, but he will. You've always been his balance, his calm, his safe place... and this situation is no different. You're a good wife Tammie and he adores you.
I pray the job junk would hurry up and figure it self out. I agree 100% with Julie and Jenny... that'll help tons with all the stuff at home. Your "low fuel" light is on... time to fill your tank. So then the question then becomes... how are you gonna get that tank filled?
I love you so much. You are the most beautiful person I have ever known. Everyone you touch is changed for knowing you. You can do this... all of this... just don't forget that you don't have to carry it all by yourself. Your Father wants to walk through it with you.
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